I received this story from a friend of mine who is a local musician here in the LA area. This is a story that made me laugh out loud and I needed to share it with my four followers. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. The funniest things about it is that it's TRUE!
#10: Wedding Crashers (DISCLAIMER: This one's kinda gross.)
I know it's been a LONG time since I did one of these, but a combination of things have prevented me from writing. Typical gigs have been slow, and I've been doing a lot of low key private classes, parties, funerals, and um...weddings...
I played at this wedding reception in October. It was in a really nice hotel near LAX, but I was really unprepared for this gig...in more ways than I realized. Of course there was no parking, so I had my limo driver drop me off and park on a side street...Or I lugged all of my gear from like 5 blocks away. Things are cloudy. I'm sure it happened one of those two ways. haha. So, I get to the reception desk in a sweaty mess, and I realize that I have no idea what's going on! haha. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I couldn't even tell the guy who's wedding reception I was supposed to play for. The receptionist finally figured it out and sent me downstairs. I went downstairs, and apparently there was a random Hot Wheels Convention going on at the same time in some other ballrooms. So, I would see these snot-nosed kids running around, but also these older dudes with their little hot wheels cars. It was a weird circus down there. Anyway, I show up and set up my equipment. The rest of the band arrives, and they are all wearing black shirts. So, um. yeah. haha. You guessed it. I had no idea that we were supposed to wear black shirts. The shirt I brought to change into was definitely blue. haha.
This gig was already turning out to be "one of those gigs," but all hell broke loose when I went into the bathroom to change. Now, you know the routine when you have to change in a public bathroom. You change in that one stall way in the back, or you might even snag that handicapped stall if u ain't got no conscience. haha. So, I found a stall in the back, but that's also where I messed up. You see, there's another reason why you go to a stall in the back of a public restroom. And that reason is because your butt is about to explode in a hellish fury that you think is not possible for mortal man to endure! hA!!!
Man......this dude came into a stall across from me. Sounded like he was pouring out a never-ending pot of hot chili onto wet concrete. He was making the most god-awful sounds, but believe it or not, it smelled even worse. So now I'm holding my nose and still changing my clothes, but then this kid comes into the stall next to me. He's crying and moaning, and I'm just praying that he's not about to do what I think he's about to do....and then he does. Lil' man started throwing up, but it sounded disturbingly metallic, like he just swallowed a box of rusty nails or something. It turned into a war zone in there. I swear it was a biological attack from Al Qaeda. This kid's got it coming out the front. This guy's got it coming out the back. And, I'm stuck in the middle trying to change my doggone clothes!! haha. Do you understand how traumatic that junk was? I was holding my nose for the guy and trying to cover my ears for the kid while dressing up for a wedding reception for newlyweds I didn't even know! haha. Needless to say, I changed REALLY fast and got through the gig. haha. And, of course things wouldn't have been complete without a $45 parking ticket...Stupid limo driver.
Ridiculous.
jMAN jR
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