The holiday season around my house usually means a dozen Christmas parties from school potlucks to company sponsored open bars. There are secret Santa gifts to get for classmates and presents to remember for teachers. With two kids of school age, it seems the giving never stops in December. And then there’s my son’s birthday, which falls less than a week before the big day.
A few years ago I thought I was going to have to check myself into the psych ward. I was totally overwhelmed and had no plan of attack for conquering the December rush. The thing that really took me over the edge was when I saw other parents coming with gifts in their hands as they were dropping the kids off at school. I had not even thought about teachers’ gifts and between the assistants that helped them and after care providers, that was SIX additional last minute gifts I had to get within a few hours.
Now with a few years under my belt, I’m able to manage duties a little better. I know what I have to get, who I have to get it for, and I (try) not to wait until the last minute. Even with the new addition to the family and a house that’s feeling the effects of the recession, I’m riding the waves that December brings without succumbing to that overwhelming feeling. My son had a recital this past Wednesday and my daughter had one in her classroom this morning. There were scores of parents cramped in to this little classroom all to witness their little ones sing holiday tunes like ‘Jingle Bells’ and ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’.
I couldn’t help but think about the school my daughter attended 3 years ago. It was more of an inner city school in comparison to the suburban school she attends now. In the suburbs, you have to get to events on time, if not early, if you want to get a decent seat. Parents support their children’s activities in the suburbs no matter what the scale. It could be a small potluck such as the one Mini Me had today or it could be a grand recital. Parents in the suburbs support their kids. At least in these parts they do.
In the inner city ….. not so much. At Mini Me’s other school, there were three parents representing almost 50 kids. THREE! And that included me. In all fairness, it is not necessarily a situation where they are not there to support because it doesn’t matter to them. It is usually the complete opposite. A lot of these parents work minimum wage jobs where they are required to be at work and do not have the flexibility to take off. If given the green light for an excused absence, many won’t take it because if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. And so you have events such as the holiday party, where children are underrepresented by their parents.
How does this make the children feel? I’m not sure of the long term effects and can only speculate. My guess is you can’t miss what you never had. Kids love sharing their life’s experiences with their parents and I can see the look of excitement on the kids’ faces when they see their parents in the audience. On the flip side, if your parents never attend your parties or recitals, then the kid doesn’t really know anything different.
It’s an unfortunate situation when parents who want to be there are unable to do so because they have to work in order to provide. I’ve been in that boat before where I could not or should not take the time off to attend an event or two. It sucks to say the least and I am thankful that I don’t have to compromise these days. Being able to be there gives kids a sense of confidence and security. They believe they matter. Ahhh, the holidays – that time of year that reminds us of our blessings AND our misfortunes. Please think of those who may not be as fortunate and count your blessings.
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